My Movie

Well here it is even though i really dont give a shit if anybody sees my blog. This is what i call, my zanax, zoloft, chocolate, and even my therapist. I will dictate my movie aka my life to remind myself that i am in charge of my movie and what happens inn it. Today on November 24, 2010 i have realized that ive been fucking playing as an extra in my own fucken movie. What an idiot i must say. After having a wonderful first half of the day i cleaned my shit i call a room, then following with my own small renovations, i then decided to stop my clean streak and print coloring pages for my daughter. Now at first i only said well ill do this to entertain her in the mean time, but then i came to the realization that i too wanted to color with her, and proceeded to print some for me. After coloring and sharing with my daughter i said hell after coloring we shall go to eat then proceed to buy tickets to tangled a cartoon im dying to see with my lil one. Know after discussing the ticket purchase with the leading man in my current chapter i began to get upset as for he was beeing his normal self and could not make up his fucken mind as to the time. After this happened my day turned to shit thanks to my brilliant self. Now at the time i blamed the other. I decided to treat myself to my pleasure wich is makeup. And like my stupid and intelegent self i decided to consult my leading man. After his delightful words of let your face heal and dont purchase anything, i became angry at this and said to myself well what the fuck is wrong with you nayely you dont deprive anybody of anything because you know yourself that once in a while you want and desire things. Well i said right then there fuck this shit im me and if anybody has a problem they can go fuck themselfs. Later on that knight i began to watch the movie eat, pray, and love.
Well for the first half of my realization of my own movie, was that in the part when julias charecter begins to pray to God in an awkard manner and desperation, i initially told myself what a selfish woman praying when her life has turned to shit. Then as she began to sob and ask God to tell her what to do i then realized that i was being a hypacrite because i too do the  same when my movie becomes a super melodrama. I said holy shit i need to see her journey and play close attention to this womans movie and catch the slaps in my face as to how i direct and star in my own movie.
to be continued..............